A Post for My Big Sis

Dear Sis,
Hiiii! It's been far too long since I've seen you. I miss you! I'm so sad that you do not have a phone so I can't text you about all the exciting things that have been happening in my life and that you aren't getting my tweets. I hope to see you tomorrow at Bible Study. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Loooooooove,
me

p.s. the best part of being back in Wise is you. Let's do lunch or coffee soon? <3

helllllllo

hi, friends.

again, i've been mia. it's been a very hectic (and sometimes stressful) few weeks. let me fill you in:

a few weeks ago, grandad passed away. it was such a bittersweet moment to see him go. i know he's no longer in pain but i would sell my right arm (that's my favorite arm) to see him and hear him laugh again. his funeral was saturday, august 7th. it was such a beautiful ceremony. after that, we all headed to sherri's to hang out and visit with people that we only get to see when someone gets married or dies. i headed to burkeville the next day to cut my trip back to wise in half. i love my grandma and papaw. they always make me feel like i'm the best guest they've ever seen when i'm there. i said at donna's house sunday night with sara and headed to wise monday.

being back in wise has been bittersweet for me. it's nice because i'm back in the routine of things. i have my own room (sam and shan, i love you two dearly, but this is better) and i'm an ra which means i get a paycheck from the university...but the whole having your own room thing is the best part. it's kinda sad because i don't have that many friends here which i am okay with. i need to be focusing on other things anyway. i still have my chase to keep me from doing something stupid-ie he talked me out of another tattoo.

my girls moved in without any fuss-well, hardly any fuss. and we've all just kinda been gliding along. classes started last wednesday. i had my schedule down and kinda liked it but i had a meeting with dr. tighe and she switched it all up on me. so now, i'm taking:
mwf:
10-interpersonal comm
11-family comm
12-western lit
2-intro to journ
th:
8-stats
9:30-spanish


yes, another year of effin spanish. why did i chose a major that i had to take MORE spanish?! ugh. i'm so tired of that language.

this weekend, i'm on duty. i've been in my room for far too long and don't really care for it. i am getting a lot done so that's good. i'm waiting on my laundry to be done, i'm going to finish straightening up my room, i'll finish my homework before sunday at midnight, and i made the most delish lunch ever-nutella and strawberry sandwich and veggie snacks with ranch veggie dip. (veggie snacks are chips made out of veggies. they're amazing) as for the nutella and strawberry sandwich, you take nutella, fresh strawberries, and stick it on a piece of bread. it's simple and fabulous. you can thank me later for that.

i'm off to get my laundry out of the drier before someone puts it on the floor and then back here to do more homework.

oh, blog, i've missed you so much. promise me you'll remind me to write in you more often <3

Joseph Frederick Baxter, II
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

What an incredible man my Grandad was. Already, my family has been overwhelmed with thoughts and prayers from others sharing our sorrow to our loss of such a fabulous person. 5 years is a long time to battle anything-especially when it's cancer and it's kicking your ass. 5 years ago, it started in his colon. Then, it moved to his kidneys and then to his liver. After a short break, it showed up in his lungs and back to the kidneys and liver. Once it spreads that way, there isn't much anyone can do except stop and enjoy the last few precious moments.

A little after 7 last night, Grandad was welcomed into the Kingdom of God. There was a very intense down pour last night right before 7 and then the clouds parted and the most beautiful sunset appeared. As I was standing in awe of it, Uncle Dan called with the news. My dad said Grandma Sadie was so happy to see Grandad and her joy was shining down. I believe it 110%.

Leaving to be with family tomorrow, this is my last day in Warrenton. I'm a frantic mess, running around with errands, packing everything up for school, cleaning because Erica is here and David is flying in tonight. But blogging is a good release for me. Blogging will help me remember how I was feeling, what I was feeling, help me grasp the lingering thoughts of this sad time in my life.

Thank you to all who have supported us during this time. We love you!

Grandma and Grandad meeting me for the first time.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

The final days of someone's life makes you think...

...and I've been wondering if I'm going to be loved as much as my Grandad. There have been visitors, phone calls, and letters pouring into their house non-stop in the last week that he's been home with hospice. I can't believe it's only been a week...feels like it's been a lot longer. People from the church, family, friends, customers, fellow employees, neighbors, all of these people praying and supporting my wonderful grandparents.

It's going to be strange for me to go to the beach and only see Grandma. Grandad was always there greeting me with a smile and a "hi, hon!", making me laugh, cooking something. He almost always had a tropical print shirt on and a beer in his hand. He would tell the funniest jokes and stories about his childhood-my favorite is when he "borrowed" the duck from the zoo and the police followed him and his friend-and about how he loved life.

I see so much of my him in my dad and I can only hope that in time, some of those characteristics will show up in me. The characteristics to be a people person, to have a fabulous business mind, to network with people so they always remember you. My grandparent's neighbor, Mike, and I were talking Sunday before I left and he said that in the short time that he's known them, they've always had a smile on their face and a friendly wave and word to share. He said it hurts him to have to see such a good person in pain. And I agree. I'm not the first to say but I'll say it loud and clear-CANCER SUCKS.

Dad just called and he said Dan told him the nurse said it would probably be today or tonight. Broken, I sit here and continue to type as I think back to the Grandad I saw just a few days ago-laying in a bed, oxygen flowing, hardly able to talk. No words of wisdom came from his mouth. No jokes. No smiles. His eyes were hardly open. This is not the Grandad I know. The Grandad I know is funny with a belly laugh that will make even the saddest person crack a smile.

I'm going upstairs now to pack. Daddy and I are going to get Erica and bring her home tonight. David is flying in soon. All of this is happening so fast and it sucks.

Oh~by the way-Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you lots.

Grandad and me at David's birthday party-May 1990.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

...Well, what if you didn't sign up for extra-strength training? What if you'd rather catch a few breaks once in awhile? Is that so much to ask?
At some point, you'd think you'd be entitled to a free pass or two:
skip this challenge.
avoid that crisis.
delete those problems.
It's not that you're not strong or that you don't have what it takes to get through this.
YOU ARE, YOU DO, AND YOU WILL.
But you've built enough character already, and it's time for things to lighten up a little!
I know it's not really my call, but if I were in charge of life's wheel of fortune, you'd get a free spin. And I'd be right there, cheering you on.
~Linda Barnes