Confessions

Last spring, I blogged about confessions I was feeling. I reread them tonight and I feel the same thing now as I did then.
Let's visit them:

There are a few confessions that I think I need to let off my mind:
♥ It scares me that I’m half way done with college…or will be in about a week. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished as much as I thought I would have by now.
I'm still scared to death...only this time, I'm over half way done. I still don't feel like I'm old enough to be doing this.
♥ I’m going to be 21 in less than 6 months but I still feel like I’m 15. I still call my mom to see what I should do with the bigger decisions of my life, I still lay in bed giggling after a boy calls me to wish me good night, I still think NSYNC and Backstreet Boys are awesome. Yup, I’m still 15 at heart…which was a little odd because I was filling out a form for Res Life yesterday and it didn’t ask how old I was; it asked how old I feel. I stopped myself from putting 15 and instead put my real age-20.
I decided to change my mind about the age-I'm really 17. I'm still young enough to get away with crying to my mom but I can drive. You can't drive and run away at 15.
♥ Every time I hear Part Two by Folk Soul Revival, I think of one person who I will never be able to be with. And I cry.
Still the same and more relevant now more than ever.
♥ I’m scared of flying to NACURH. Planes freak me out. Ever since 9/11, I’ve been terrified of flying. One of my worst fears is being on a plane and having a terrorist on there. Almost as bad as every time I’m in the hall waiting for a class, I look around to see where I would go in case someone with a gun would come into the building. Obviously, I have some abnormal fears.
I still look to see where I would go if a gunman comes in. I have one class that has no windows. That scares me.
♥ Two weeks from today, three of my best friends are going to graduate from UVa Wise. A year from now, I doubt that I’ll speak to any of them. Every time I think of that, I can feel a little piece of my heart break.
That came true about 2 weeks after they graduated. I still cry when I think about it.
♥ I think I can count my friends on less than two hands. The number of friends that would do anything for me goes down to less than one hand.
I can count my friends on one hand now.
♥ I recently discovered a website that describes me well… http://www.scorpiowoman.net/ and http://www.scorpiowoman.net/October_28_birthday_features.htm
This has stayed the same :)
♥ I’ve recently started working on calming myself by laying in bed with the window open and listening to the outside noises with my eyes closed. I start by relaxing my toes and working my way up the top of my head. The best part is I usually find myself sinking deep into thought on my matress and then processing the difficult things that way. I’ve become my own best friend that way.
I wish I could still do this.
♥ I love getting in my car and driving into Kentucky for an Ale-8-One. I think I may go now for one.
Driving still helps me but I haven't been to KY in a while...I've been going to Kingsport.

A new confession: I don't sleep. Ever. It's almost 2 and I'm not the least bit tired. I'm going to do some homework and finish listening to my sad songs and crying. I'm tired of not being me anymore. I need to fix it. I'm killing myself slowly.